Sirius Randomness
by Siriusly Deluded
Summary: Ok, this isn't a real story it's just excerpts from a bunch of other stories. These are some of my favorite random, hilarious, Sirius moments. They are very funny! So sit back and enjoy!
1. Hehehe

Author's Note- Okay, this isn't a real story. It's just a bunch of excerpts from other stories, and some of my favorite (funny) Sirius moments. I own basically nothing. So sit back and enjoy! 

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**Sirius Randomness**

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I'm singing at the top of my lungs. The girls are laughing and

Anni's cucumbers are toppling off of her eyes. I sing even

worse, on purpose, and screech at the end of the song. I'm in this

infamous pose that all heavy metalists do, when they're on their

knees, stringing the last note with their pick.

Without a knock, Sirius walks in. "Hello girls!"

Chaos.

I forgot to mention. We're all in our bras and panties. OK, we

usually don't do this. But today, after the quiz in Potions, we

needed to.

So basically,

chaos.

Everyones screaming and running around, trying to find a place

to hide. Behind the beds, the dresser, grabbing anything in their

path to cover up their body.

Except me. I'm just stunned. I'm not even screaming, and I'm

stuck stupidly in the guitarist pose. Still in my black bra and

panties.

The girls may not like Sirius, but he is too popular of a boy to

be embarrassed in front of. And this is truly embarrassing.

"SIRIUS BLACK! GET OUT OF HERE!" I finally manage to

scream, coming to my senses. I'm half naked in front of the

hottest boy in school, stuck in this idiotic pose, and I've known

this guy since before I could ride a broom. If this gets back to

my Mum and Dad, I'm so dead.

The whole time, as the girls run around and I sit there, stuck,

Sirius stands in the doorway. His eyes are as big as cauldron

cakes, and he is completely baffled at this.

I don't think he will ever come in without knocking again.

But then again, this is Sirius we're talking about.

--------------------

(Sirius PoV)

What have I done to deserve this? OK, so I walked in on them in

their undergarments. As if I haven't seen a girl in a bra before.

The cheese is mighty uncomfortable, and it's making me hungry.

--------------------

"GO JAMES! GO JAMES! JAMES POTTER FOR

GRYFFINDOR!"

Sirius stood up and yelled again, "JAMES! JAMES! JAMES!

HE'S OUR MAN."

The two boys on either side of Sirius grabbed his arms and

yanked him back into the sitting position. James gave both of

them a look of pure gratitude.

No sooner had the sorting hat touched his head when it shouted,

"RIGHT MR. BLACK YOU CAN SHUT UP NOW AND

STOP GIVING THE ENTIRE SCHOOL A HEADACHE

BECAUSE MR. POTTER IS IN GRYFFINDOR!"

"YES!" Sirius was up again, "WELL DONE JAMES!

BRAVO!"

James ran to the Gryffindor table as fast as his legs would carry

him, wedged himself in-between Sirius and the boy next to him,

and hauled Sirius's arm making him sit down again,

"You're an idiot, Sirius."

Sirius pretended to be offended,

"What me? Do you mean to tell me that you weren't pleased to

have your own cheer leading squad? Well, I must confess I'm

hurt."

--------------------

(A/N- The italicized part is Sirius's take on writing his own fan fiction, where he, of course, is the star.)

Sirius heard a snort, which turned into a full out laughing

attack. He looked behind him to see both Remus and Arthur

trying to keep straight faces while pretending not to have been

looking at his story.

"YOU WOULDN'T BE LAUGHING IF YOU WERE THE

ONE DYING!" he yelled, loosing his temper. Now even

Dumbledore was chuckling.

_Sirius and the Dark Lord stared at each other for a while. Then Voldemort extended his hand. "Well done Sirius, you have fooled the Order well and thank you for getting rid of these lower beings," Voldemort pointed to the bodies of his former followers._

Sirius giggled, as the room grew quiet.

"Sirius," Dumbledore said, as if addressing a fiver-year old, "is

there something we need to talk about?" Sirius ignored him.

Remus rolled his eyes as Arthur and the fungus shared nervous

glances.

_Sirius smirked, but as you all know, Sirius is a good guy and the hero of this story. He was tricking Voldemort and suddenly he killed the evil villain with the killing curse. Sirius had now saved the wizarding world. He looked over to his godson who limped over to him. Sirius could now feel himself wasting away. He sank to the ground and died. Harry cried, but eventually got over it and had Diagon Alley renamed Sirius Alley. The End._

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Serious Advice, by Sirius Black

If my advice doesn't work for you...then you're screwed.

Q: I often dream that I'm falling into a big hole, what does this mean?

A: How am I supposed to know? What do I look like, an advice columnist or something? Go ask Professor Trelawny.

Q: How self-absorbed are you!?!

A: Very. But I prefer to call it self-love.

Q: I don't have any friends and I really want some. Could you help me?

A: Get some rocks and put smiley faces on them. I'm sure they'll be your friend. No denying that.

Q: I hear voices at night and I don't know why! They scare me! HELP ME!

A: Close the door when you're sleeping so you don't hear people talking in the common room.

--------------------

Are you ugly? I mean really, _really_ ugly? Are you _so_ ugly not

even your own _mum_ can stand the sight of you?! Well, so is

Snivellus, so don't feel too bad about it.

--------------------

"Bored, bored, bored." James heard Sirius mumble from beside

him. "I am so bloody bored it's unbelievable. It should not be

physically possible to be this bored. I could not be any more

bored than I am right now. No, wait, I could. Cause I'm even

more bored right this second. I am very very very, extremely, and

unbelievably bor--"

--------------------

Then it got all quiet in the taxi cab. Hermione felt as if someone

was looking at her. She turned and looked at Sirius, who was

staring at her.

"What? Do I have something in my hair?"

All of a sudden, Sirius started to cry.

"What's the matter? It's okay."

Sirius looked at her and said, "Make the voices stop! Make them

stop!"

"What voices? What are you talking about?"

"They are telling me to burn things! I'd do what they say, but I

don't have a lighter!" He stopped abruptly.

Sirius turned and looked at Hermione. He went over to her ears

and whispered, "Do you have a lighter?"

---------------

Sirius: Pinatas are those things that dump out candy when you

whack them, right?

Draco: Precisely!

Sirius: YAY!!! SUGAR!!! (jumps up and down with a crazed

smile)

Lupin: (glances at Sirius worryingly)

Snape: (backs away)

--------------------

Sirius: Okay! My turn!

Sirius whacked two times at the pinata, making large dents, but

then swinging the stick too far behind, and hit Snape right in the

face. WHACK!

Snape: OW!! BLACK!!! WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?!

Sirius: What? The rules didn't say anything about that you can't

whack another person. (snickers) I was just kidding! I didn't see

you back there! Really!

Snape: Ya right...

Sirius handed the stick to Snape. Snape though, turned the other

direction from the pinata and swung at Sirius.

Sirius: AAAHHH!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU

PSYCO?!

Snape: Just getting my revenge! And like you said, the rules

didn't say anything about that you can't whack another person!

And with that, Snape chased after Sirius, swinging the stick at

him.

--------------------

Well, how is it so far? Please review and let me know if I should continue or not! Also, if you have any suggestions or know anything funny, random, and Sirius related let me know and I will think about adding them! Review and e-mail me your favorite Sirius moments and I'll put them in! Thanx a bunch!


	2. Muahahahaha!

Author's Note- Hey! I hope you're enjoying it so far! And just to remind everyone that I own very little. So here are some more priceless Sirius moments! Enjoy!

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**Sirius Randomness**

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The next morning Sirius awoke to the smell of bacon and the

pain of a crick in his neck.

He grumbled for a few minutes about people who don't have

spare bedrooms and rose off

the couch to find Anna smirking at him over her cup of coffee.

"You could have just slept in your dog form. I'm sure that

would've been more comfortable. I rather think I prefer you that

way. Obedient. Loyal. Silent." Sirius growled at her as she

chortled under her breath.

"Stop looking so charmingly indignant and help me cook

breakfast." "Charming, hey?" He remarked with a cheeky smile.

"You think I'm charming?" "Prat," she said, shoving a loaf of

bread into his arms. "Get toasting." He smirked at her and

whipped out his wand. Deftly slicing the bread, he set out about

toasting it with his wand.

"You gave me quite a scare this morning," she said from the

stove.

"How's that?" he asked curiously.

"I woke up in my bed and not on the couch and freaked out. I

thought I had dreamed this whole thing. Thought I was going

mad." "Sorry," he replied sheepishly. "I saw you sleeping on the

couch and felt really guilty about stealing your bed." "S'right.

Just wake me up next time." Sirius grinned. "Oh, but you did

wake up. You don't remember? Maybe you were sleep talking.

Anyway, you woke up and professed your undying love for me.

Yeah, you really did. You told me that you'd been pining for me

and that you were aching to just jump on –" Anna raised an

eyebrow sardonically and amusedly glanced over his shoulder.

"Sirius, the toast is on fire." Sirius turned to find that he had left

his wand heating up the toast, which had indeed caught on fire.

Swearing, he grabbed his wand and sent a jet of water to douse

the flames. Once the fire was extinguished he turned back to

find Anna doubled up with laughter, her eyes watering with

glee.

"Shut up," he said with a rakish grin.

--------------------

Remus rolled his eyes and stepped forward so that Petunia

Dursley could see his reflection

in the mirror.

Before she noticed, Sirius leaned over to Remus, "Aren't you

supposed to not have a

reflection?"

"That's vampires, genius."

"Oh yeah!"

They were interrupted by a sudden high pitched scream which

made Remus wonder if

Mrs. Dursley was related to a Mandrake.

"Wh-who are you?!" Petunia shrieked.

"We-" Sirius started.

"-Are now deaf." Remus finished, "Hello, Mrs. Dursley! I am

Mr. Kookoonana and this is my partner Mr. Chi-"

Sirius cleared his throat.

"What?!" Remus asked irritably, annoyed at being interrupted.

"You prat!" Sirius hissed, "I'm Mr. Kookoonana and YOU'RE

Mr. Chi!"

--------------------

Sirius grins stupidly and waves, while Snape is leaning against

the wall, asleep and snoring.

Lucius: Right, now, why aren't you in the pool with the others?

Snape: Because I hate the water?

Sirius: Because I forgot my speedo?

Lucius and Snape turn and stare at Sirius.

Lucius: You're...what?

Snape: Oh god...bad mental images! BAD!

Sirius: No! I was just kidding! I don't use a speedo! Not

anything really!

Lucius: What?! You mean-

Sirius: No, you idiot!! I swim as a dog! It's much more fun that

way! Dogs are better swimmers after all! You know I'm a

animagus!

Lucius: No dog will be swimming in my pool!

Sirius: Aw, fine.  
---------------------

"Hey James, was Sirius flirting with the girls again?" Remus

asked James.

"Yeah, he was." James replied.

"He seems so desperate." Remus thought out loud. They went

on pretending Sirius wasn't there.

"Yeah, desperate to hide that he's gay." James said, and when he

saw the look on Sirius's face he started laughing hysterically.

"Enough! I'm NOT gay!" Sirius yelled.

Just then Lily Evans walked into the compartment. She looked

around, everyone was laughing except for Sirius who looked

angry and now a bit embarrassed.  
--------------------

"Well, that was fun, wasn't it?" Sirius said after his third lesson

that day, covered in an odd looking green goo and looking rather

singed. The students blinked at him, and then, almost in one

motion, gathered up all their materials and left.

Sirius shrugged. "Oh well," he said to himself, and ignoring the

mess, started prodding at the contents of his potion. Classes

were done for the day, thank the Lord.

Suddenly, a loud scream came from the doorway, and Sirius

jumped, pointing his wand reflexively. When he saw who was

standing there, he wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or

frightened.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY CLASSROOM?" Lily

shrieked. Sirius looked back into his cauldron and prodded it's

contents a bit more, which almost looked as thought they were

beginning to move on their own.

"Created Flubber, I think," Sirius said. Lily didn't seem to

appreciate the American Muggle movie reference.  
--------------------

Sirius looked dejectedly down at his pile of parchment. "I'm

trying to write a letter to

Harry, but it's not working"

"What do you mean 'it's not working"

"Well, I don't know what to say. I mean, Dumbledore's told us

that we can't say anything about the Order or Voldemort or

anything important in case it gets intercepted, but that leaves

very little that we can actually say"

"I know what you mean, Sirius," Hermione said quietly from her

seat. "Ron and I are having the same problem. Harry must be

getting so angry"

"I know! I mean, what can I write?

_'Hi Harry. Look, I know that the darkest wizard of all time who is also your arch nemesis and has attempted to kill you on numerous occasions has just risen again and is probably plotting your gruesome and painful death right now, but I can't talk about that, so, how are your holidays going?'_

_--------------------  
_

Sirius looks at Remus and smiles.

"Hey buddy! How ya been?" "Uh...fine..nice to see you too

Sirius." "I know I am." Remus looks at him and asks, "Am

what?" "Serious." "Ok then..." says Remus and looks out the

window.

--------------------

Lucius lay down three black shirts and colored bottles.

Snape: Sooooo...what's it for?

Sirius: Can we it it!

Snape: (slaps Sirius)

Sirius: Hey! That hurt!

Lucius: Just stop for one moment you two and listen! You get

to...decorate you own T-

shirts!

Sirius: OOOOH!! WOW! HAGHEBLIBAUSTHOUWAAAA!

Snape:...what?

Lucius: I said that you get to decorate your own T-shirts!

Snape: I heard you, I meant Sirius.

Sirius: Oh, that? That was just my spasm of excitement.

--------------------

I _am_ adorable, aren't I? In a manly way, though, right?--Sirius

Black

--------------------

But what about the ever-impressive Sirius Black? Obviously I

won't be the gay lover of Remus Lupin, nor the butt-buddy of

James Potter, or - worst of all - Snivellus Ape's secret star-

crossed lover (Sweet Merlin, that last one's gonna give me

nightmares). I wonder if I should grow a mustache? Or perhaps

I'll just allow some stubble to appear; the ladies really dig the

rugged look.-- Sirius Black

--------------------

So how is it so far? Is everyone enjoying it? If any one has anything funny or know someone who has a funny Sirius moment they would like me to add, please mail it to me or put it in a review! Just give me the author and the story it's from.PLEASE! I would love to hear people's suggestions! And I'd be more than happy to add them! :)


	3. Author's notes & sources

Author's Note- Hey everyone! Sorry it's been a while. I know you all must hate excuses, but here's mine anyways. I've been having tons of computer trouble, and I've been loaded down with school work. The teachers must think it's fun to torture us. Oh well. 

Well now that that's out of the way I can get to the point of me writing this long author's note.

Since I have had so many requests for the sources of the excerpts, starting with the next chapter, I will now put the story title at the beginning of the excerpt. Ok? Ok.

Now, since I'm lazy and I have to leave for school in like ten minutes, I'm just going to list some of (well most of actually) the titles below with the author's pen name so you can read those stories if you'd like.

And because I got so many wonderful reviews, I promise I should have a new chapter up in aday ortwo! Thank you all so much!

So, here we go...

* * *

**Loving Sirius Black: My Diary** by: Cetesy

**Sirius Black Writes** by: Fool Moon

**The Complexities of the Heart** by: katemary77

**Draco's Party** by: Shadow Dragon Boss

**The Taxi Cab** by: shortie522

* * *

If I forgot any I will add them when I update. Now on to my thank you's:

I want to thank the following for reading and reviewing:

**Ocean's Fourteen:** And yes, I do have the author's permition. Thanks for the review.

**Daunting Darkness: **I know, I wish he didn't die either. :( Thanks!

**shortie522: **No thank you for writing a great story and letting me use part of it! Thank you so much!

**cetesy:** Thank you soo much for letting me use parts of your story! You're the best! I'm glad you liked it, and here are the sources you asked for.

**RebelWriter: **I'm so sorry I couldn't e-mail the sources to you! I decided to do this instead. Beacause so many people asked for them, I figured this would be easier. Thank you so much for the suggestion!You were the only one who gave one and I will definitely check it out!Thank you so much for the review!

**XxInsanityxX: **Lol, I don't have a membership card...yet. Thanks for the review!

I would also like to thank:

**kassie, **

**Lunacy Fringe05, **

**CoolingtheFire, **

**Blooper Queen**

Thank you all! YOU GUYS ROCK!!! Please, if you have any ideas or suggestions of stories or funny parts that have to do with Sirius or even any of the other marauderspretty pretty please let me know! It will be GREATLY appreciated!

Love Always,

-Siriusly Deluded-


	4. YAY! MORE!

Author's Note- Hey! I'm finally updating! YAY for me! I should have the next chapter up soon, I'm just waiting for a couple authors responses first. Then once I get their ok's I'll be all set to go. Anyways, here's more hilarious, Sirius/ marauder moments. Enjoy! 

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(This excerpt is from The Complexities of the Heart by:

katemary77)

"Harry!" Sirius exclaimed, striding into Harry's gloomy room

two days later. "How are you?"

"Good, Sirius," he said curiously. "What's wrong?"

"Wrong?" Sirius said brightly. "Why would you think

something's wrong? Nothing's wrong! What's wrong with me

wanting to talk to my godson?"

"Then why are you acting so bizarre?"

Sirius blanched. He sat down opposite Harry on Ron's bed. He

nervously gazed around the room, looking anywhere but Harry.

"Sirius?" the bespectacled boy asked. "Sirius, what's wrong?"

Sirius heaved a sigh. "Well, um...well, let's see..."

Harry sniggered. "Really, Sirius, just come out and say it."

He smiled nervously. "Well, Harry. Harry, Harry, Harry. You're

fifteen now, and I thought perhaps it was time for us to...you

know...have a talk..."

Harry grinned. "A talk?" he said innocently. "What kind of talk

would that be?"

Sirius growled. "You know..." he said sourly. "A '_talk_'"

"No, Sirius, I really _don't_ know."

"Well, you know, you're at a time in your life when you'll start

to...you know..._notice_ things..."

"Sirius, are you trying to talk about puberty to me?"

Sirius choked.

"Because if you are," Harry continued, "There really isn't much

point. Dudley delighted in telling me all about puberty and sex,"

he emphasised, enjoying Sirius's discomfort, "last summer.

Seems that Dudley had some, er, _experience_ with girls and

thought he would enlighten me, rather vaguely at that. Besides,

we had all those sex education classes at the end of primary

school."

"Oh," Sirius mumbled. "Well, why didn't you tell me that?"

"Because I really enjoyed seeing you squirm like that."

"Horrible child," Sirius said, throwing a pillow at Harry, which

he deftly caught with his seeker skills.

-------------------------

(Anonymous excerpt)

Remus's answering machine clicked on, and Remus grinned at

the sound of his own voice, "'Ello! You've reached Remus

Lupin! If this truly is important, leave your name and a number

after the beep...and I'll get back to you a) if I feel like it and b) if

I can. Unless of course your name is Sirius Black, in which

case: Sod off you git! I'm tired of listening to your memories of

the good ol' days at school when you showed off Malfoy's hot

pink boxers!" BEEP!

"REMUS!" roared Sirius Black's voice (obviously magically

magnified) over the speaker, "HOW DARE YOU TELL ME TO

SOD OFF?! PICK UP, YOU GIT! IT'S IMPORTANT! I KNOW

THAT YOU'RE THERE...REMMY!...MOONY! DON'T

MAKE ME CRY! YOU KNOW I WILL! OKAY, MAYBE

NOT, BUT I CAN SING! STILL NOT ANSWERING? FINE.

YOU ASKED FOR IT! THE ITSY BITSY SPIDER-" Beep.

Remus laughed loudly as the machine cut his friend off, and was

not at all surprised when it rang again seconds later.

"'Ello! You've reached Remus Lupin! If this truly is important,

leave your name and a number after the beep...and I'll get back

to you a) if I feel like it and b) if I can. Unless of course your

name is Sirius Black, in which case: Sod off you git! I'm tired of

listening to your memories of the good ol' days at school when

you showed off Malfoy's hot pink boxers!" BEEP!

"Your stupid machine cut me off! Stupid Muggle invention!

Anyway. THE ITSY BITSY SPIDER WENT UP THE WATER

SPOUT! DOWN CAME THE RAIN AND-!"

"Alright! Alright! ENOUGH!" Remus shouted into the phone

after snatching it up, "Good god Sirius!"

"Ha, HA! I win!"

-------------------------

(Anonymous excerpt. Sirius's PoV)

I actually considered cloning myself once, but James insisted

that one was more than enough...Was I insulted?

-------------------------

(This excerpt and the one following it are from Draco's Party

by: Shadow Dragon Boss)

Back in the house, Lucius held up his shirt proudly that spelt the

word;

Snape: Pim?

Lucius: What?! No! It's supposed to say Pimp! Grr...the last

letter must not be showing up clearly enough! Stupid paint...

Snape held his up, and it said; 'I'm with stupid.' And it showed a

hand with a finger pointing to the right.

Sirius: (standing on Snape's right) That's funny! Hey! Wait a

minute! Does that mean I'm stupid?

Snape: What do you think?!

Sirius: Here's mine!

Sirius held up his shirt with sheer pride, and it said; 'I spent 12

years in Azkaban Prison, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!'

Remus: Not bad there, Padfoot!

Sirius: Moony! When did you get here? And what's that you're drinking?

Remus: Oh! This is a slurpee. You can have it.

Sirius: Yaay!!!

Sirius took the slurpee with glee and drank it all down in one

gulp. McGonagall looked thoroughly disgusted at this.

--------------------

McGonagall: I'm done!

McGonagall held up her shirt, which said; 'D is for Lysdexia!'

Sirius: Doesn't Dyslexia start with a D?

McGonagall: Yes! That's the whole point!

Sirius: Huh? Oooooh! I get it! (laughs really loudly)

-------------------------

(This one is from Nothing Can Come Between Us by: Lunacy

Fringe05 who I forgot to mention last chapter. I'm soo sorry!)

"Finally we're here. I don't think I could of lasted another five

minutes. I'm starving." Sirius said as they got off the train.

Everyone else agreed with him. They all got a horseless carriage

together that would bring them to Hogwarts.

"Come on, can't this thing go any faster?" Sirius whined loudly.

"No. So stop banging on the window." James replied.

-------------------------

How was that? Sorry if it was rather short, but I wanted to get it up as soon as possible.Thanks again to everyone! I love you all! And please, I'm sorry I keep asking and pestering you guys, but if you have any ideas or suggestions PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know! Did you read any funny Sirius/ marauder fics? E-mail me or review and tell me your favorite Sirius or marauder moment/s! Thanks!

**Lunacy Fringe05**: I am soo sorry! I totally forgot to add you in the last chapter when I mentioned the sources. The next chapter is dedicated to you and **Padfoot the evil elf**. Thank you all so much for letting me use parts of your stories. I love you all!

**RebelWriter**: No problem! Thanks for reviewing. And, yes I would love to read yourfic when you post it! It sounds hilarious and very random! Random is good! I love random! Anyways, hurry up and get it posted. I can't wait!

TO ALL READERS!

The next chapter, depending on whether or not I get the replies from the authors, will have a theme. If I don't get the replies by the end of next week, I will just do a regular chapter. But I'm hoping to do a theme as planned. So does anyone know any drunken Sirius moments? C'mon you must have read at least one story wherethey cracked out the fire whisky?!Thanks again. DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!!!

Love Always,  
Siriusly Deluded


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